A Clockwork Hazelnut
by Yunaman
Summary: The Queen bans Milk Plus and this infuriates Alex, so he sets out on a personal vendeta against her. But it turns out that the Queen is stronger than she seems.


A Clockwork Hazelnut

The moon shone on the London pub which had just been taken over by Alex and his droogs. They were having some delicious and drug-filled milk plus, while raping the female olympic swim team. The pub was litered with the corpses of the former customers, who were beaten or orgasmed to death by Alex's gang. Anarchy reigned supreme.

The TV was blasting totalitarian propaganda as alwaya, but Alex left it on as the rulers' feeble attempts at brainwashing amused him. He was blasting Beethoven at maxium volume from a stereo he had stolen from a travelling Danish merchant. The drogs had left the merchant's copse to sit there behind the counter as a bartender, who of course couldn't do shit as he was merely a cadavre after all.

But suddenly an image of the Queen showed up on screen. Intrested, Alex ordered his droogs to turn down the volume to hear what the old bag was going to say. The Queen announced that Mulk Plus was being banned in the territories of the UK, Canada, Australia, Japan and West Virginia for containing cocaine,  
>pot, LCD, crack, shrooms, amphetamines, goat milk, methanol, antrax and residue from tumor cells. This revelation shocked Alex down to the core of his beign.<p>

Milk Plus was his favorite drink in the whole world. How could the Queen ban it? She was going to pay for this.

''How are that suka ban my milk! I'm so angry right now I can kill something! Grrrrrr!'' Alex yelled.  
>His face was redder than the surface of the sun.<p>

Alex took a long metallic stick made out of wood and started whaling on Dim. He hit so hard that blood and brain chunks splattered everywhere, their sounds silencing Queen Elizabeth's speech. Alex bent the stick around Dim's neck choking what remained from him until a fountain of bloody pulp started to shoot out of his pie hole like a geyser.

Alex then collected his blood in a cup and mixed it with Milk Plus and drunk it to gain Dim's powers.  
>His body shrunk and then expanded, glowing dark blue. His body then reverted to his original size.<br>Alex was ready to kick Royal butt. He ordered his druges to clean up the place with toothbrushes while he went to take care of buisiness.

1 hour later

Alex arrived in front of Buckingham palace, where tens of thousands of men and women had gathered to protest against the Queen's new law. The people were screaming and yelling, their mouth almost foaming as the foulest of insults left their mouth and asaulted The Royal family.

Elizabeth walked on a balcony that overlooked the angry mob along with two of her most loyal guards.  
>She looked at the crowd with a look full of snobbery and disregard.<p>

''Look at those, commoners! How they rebel when We try to make life better by banning drugs. And this is how they thank Us. Dirty peasants. Extinguish them immediately!''

The Queen's soldiers were just waiting for a signal. They started shooting at the crowd. Bodies exploded everywhere in pile of blood and goo splaterring all over the pavement. The royal guards pulled out cannons and started shooting cannon balls at the angry mobs. But the mob was not passive. The started bitting and punching the soldiers, making the carnage level rise higher than during any other point of British History.

Planes started dropping bombs from altitudes of 20000 metres at the mob. But this did not stop the mob.  
>In order to replenish their forces the men started to fuck the women to impregante them. Women gave birth while crawling in the dirt, blood and semen. The amniotic liquid poured out of their vaginas like waterfalls as they gave birth, making the Queen's soldiers slip on it and die a painfull death. The newly born babies strangled royalists with their placentas.<p>

At this moment the Queen ordered the SWAT to attack. They dropped out of helicopters and started electrocuting people to death.

In the middle of this chaos Alex snuck close to the gates of the palace. There he saw four SWAT members beating a school boy to death.

''Nooo! I was going to rape him!'' Alex yelled and attacked the Swat memebers in a rage killing them with his bare hands. He then took a sign from a protested that said ''Republica forever! Down with the Socialist Queen'' and beat a small group of protesters to a pulp with the sign. He then jammed himself in one of the cannons and shot himself into the balcony where the Queen was.

He hit in the forehead making her fall backwards and hit her solid gold chair.

''You're going to pay you limey pickpocket!'' She said.

But before she could do anything Alex ht her in the face with the sign blungeoning her. ''Take that, you govno!''

Elizabeth jumped upwards from the floor and did a backflip, stepping on the floor. She was angry and insane, but not afraid to show him what a purple nurple meant.

She lifted her royal dress and took an Uzi hidden in her socks and started shooting Alex with. Alex jumped and threw objects at her, desperately trying to block the deadly bullets.

Alex bounced off the wall using the sign and kicked the old bitch's crown of her head making her spiral backwars and fall on the ground. Alex then swumg at her with sign, trying to pummel her to death but she mooved out of the way.

The Queen tried to grab the Uzi and shoot Alex in the face, but he stepped on her arm nearly breaking it with all of his leg strenght. He then broke the Uzi.

''How ya like that? A common prestupnik and troglodyte overpowering the Queen of this country. Now,  
>Ima kill and rape you and vorovat all of your cutter, ya smelly, limey, flea infested sumka!'' Alex proclaimed with the pride of one thousand lions.<p>

''Not so fast'' Elizabeth said and grabbed a cup of poison tea with her other hand and splattered it all over Alex's face.

''My eyes!'' He scremed and spum around in a circle. As he wallowed around in confusing he kicked the Uzi by accident so hard, it hit the royal toilet breaking to pieces.

Elizabeth then took a pike and stabbed Alex in the shoulder, blood gushing out everywhere.

''We are amused. We are very amused. Muhahahhahahahahaahahha!'' She laughed like a hobo.

But while she was laughing she didn't notice that Alex had snaped out of the confusion, because of her stabbing him and was aproaching her slowly, until he shanked her in the back with enormous speed.

Elizabeth started to vomit all over until she vomited the simese twin fetus of Prince Charles which was stuck in her cervix all this time. The fetus jumped at Alex and bit him.

''You little monster, you!'' said Alex and grabbed the pike which was used to stab him and killed the satanic infant.

The Queen then threw a pair of ninja stars at Alex's neck, aiming to hit him and kill him, but Alex bent backwards all matrix style, almost breaking his spine, but not quite succeeding.

Alex drew his metallic penis statue and tried to strike at her and kill her, but she dodged with her lightning fast reflex. They continued this walkig all around the castle, until they reached the royal rocket ship yard.

''It's over, Lizzie!'' Alex said with a smirk on his face. ''There's no place to run now.''

She was cornered. Alex then swung with full force, but she caught the penis mid strike and a struggle to control the wang ensued. They rocked back and forth trying to gain control of the weapon. but both seemed to be equally strong. Elizabeth was tougher than your average granny monarch.

In order to win, Alex pushed with all of his strenght and they both fell inside a shuttle which was about to take off. They kept fighting.

Then, the rocket lift off for the moon. Taking advantage of inertia Alex pushed Elizabeth through the window and then fell on the ground inside the shuttle tired.

Elizabeth hung on the rocket as it entered interstellar space. But she wasn't sphyxiating because of the lack of air. Oh no. Suddenly black goo started to envelope her. She became venom.

''You may have won the battle, Alex, but We will win the war!''

FIN 


End file.
